I've just made John unhappy with me again.

I've been so tired even 2 weeks before the concert on Saturday that I haven't been myself. I don't have time to myself to stop and think things through, to relax, to forget about things that make me unhappy.

Maybe he's right, he's been doing a lot for me and I haven't been appreciative. I've been grumpy, tired, reliant, bitchy, irritated, impatient and who knows what else. Just think of the most ingrateful and bitchy girlfriend you can and that's probably me the past few weeks.

I don't want anybody's sympathy. If you're really care about me, give me the space to be a horrible person for a while and turn normal again. And not hold it against me. I'm not the perfect teacher, girlfriend, friend, daughter. I'm not the perfect anything. If you can't deal with that, and with the fact that I'm a person who needs time to myself once in a while, tell me so and I'll take myself out of your life and spare us both the misery.

I'm tired of being pulled in so many different directions at once.

I'm tired of always having to answer for my actions.

I'm tired of having an unending flow of things to do.

I'm tired of having deadlines to meet all the time.

I'm tired of trying to please everyone, and of getting told off when I fail to do so.

I'm tired of living according to rules made by others.

I'm tired of having to live my life as dictated by others.

I'm tired of having a set of unspoken expectations placed on me.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYONE TO ANSWER TO EXCEPT MYSELF AND GOD. And John.

I'm just so tired of everything. I don't see the point in anything anymore.

glittermissy @ 1:31 PM + + Permalink