Whooooo haven't updated in awhile. :)

The comments thing I've been using finally died for good. I'll look for another one soon.

After numerous public holidays (it's been quite a few, hasn't it?) I'm definately reluctant to go back to work. :P But then, it has been a swift 1 month into the new year and it's already week 5 of term. Only 5 more to go before the March vacation. Isnt' that scary? Sometimes I feel like my life is going to flash by before my very eyes and end before I know it. And at the end of the day I'll be left wondering, what have I done with my life??

The public holidays have been good. Maybe a little too good hehehe. :) Anyway I've been pretty happy (and tired!) the past few weeks, happier perhaps than I've been in a while. I think I've been feeling as if my relationship with John had gotten stuck in a rut for a little while - not entirely a bad thing since getting stuck in a good rut means we were happily stuck. But over the end of the year vacation and since he started his work attachment, we've been talking more about our plans for the future and how we really feel about things. Maybe we've had more time to talk and do stuff recently, compared to when he was staying in hall and too busy with Uni to even see me. But I think we've gotten much closer and that feels very nice. I think I've come to see him in a slightly different light, and maybe I appreciate some things about him that I didn't before. :)

Through all that I think I understand myself a little better too and I feel as if I'm starting to grow out of always being so passive and unassuming (i.e. easily taken advantage of because I'll just politely agree to disagree, instead of saying something like, "No, I think you're wrong so fuck off." LOL). Many of my friends tell me that I'm too self critical (due to many reasons) and I'm slowly learning to be more self loving. I used to think that people would like you better if you were more humble and sympathetic, but I suppose there's a very fine but very real line between being humble and being overly self-critical. I suppose having someone who seems to agree with everything that you say gets boring and irritating even.

I can't believe it's February already. Soo many things coming up in school, and for SYC too. We're having our 40th anniversary concert on the 28th of Feb at Esplanade. I know my students in SYO don't like SYC but that's not the point. I enjoy being there, people volunteer to sing there 'cos they enjoy it. For me, the experience of learning, sharing and making music together means much more to me than whether we're in tune or not, whether we tend to get flat, whether we achieve musical perfection. And anyway there's simply no such thing as musical perfection. Things can always be done better, or done differently. Hence - technical mastery aside - I feel that one performer or recording cannot be truly better than another, and it's really about who/what you relate to more, what holds meaning for you and what appeals to you more. And this is something I feel many people will never be able to understand, especially the classical music audience in Singapore.

Debbie and I once attended a 'Meet the artiste' cocktail party thing and we were both pretty put off by what we saw. It was a party for those who wanted to be seen, if you know what I mean. Amongst most who attended the cocktail, it seemed to be about which designer gown/suit you wore, what you do in life, who you know (and who knows you) and the size of your diamond jewellery. And of course, the 'fact' that 'I attend classical music concerts and I'm high class and cultured'. Bah humbug. I'm not going to go to another such cocktail party ever again. Making small talk for the sake of it and having others ask you what you do in life. GO AWAY. You don't need to know. I don't want to tell you. Don't try to discuss classical music with me just because you're high class and attend concerts. BUGGER OFF.

Lol. Aren't I in a good mood today? I honestly think music is not about all that. But the sad reality of life is that musicians need money to live too and too often being a musician isn't truly about music. It's about who the conductor and management favours and how much you're getting paid. It's about who your teacher was and which competition you won. It's about who you know, where you've been, where you've played at and what others have written about you. It's about every other juicy detail in your life BUT the music itself. Is it any wonder why I'm a jaded teacher?

But I just have to keep telling myself that while I cannot change the realities of life (*sighs theatrically*) I can cling to my ideals. :P

Okay time to stop. If this were an essay of my life, I'd fail miserably as it isn't only out of point. There isn't a point at all. :P But that's the point, isn't it?

glittermissy @ 11:06 AM + + Permalink