I had a good weekend which - as usual - was too short and went by too quickly. Nowadays I have choir on Saturday afternoons and voice on Sunday mornings. Apart from that I'm supposed to have the time to do whatever I want but somehow it doesn't quite feel that way.

I'm feeling very out of sorts this morning - I'm sure it's partly due to not waking up early enough and rushing to get to school on time. I know I'm still getting used to being back at school and getting into the swing of things again. I just think about the amount of work I have to do this year (as much as I can anticipate anyway) and feel apprehensive. I keep telling myself to think of it all as a challenge but life doesn't always work that way, does it? :P

I don't feel much inspiration to write these days. My thoughts are all disjointed and I can't seem to keep my mind focused on any one thing to really think through it and write about it. Maybe it's my brain adjusting to having school constantly on my mind again.

What do you do when a good friend gets attached and suddenly you find yourself not such a good friend anymore?

Nothing.

What can you do anyway? I can't complain, I'm sure I was like this when I first got attached, and even for a long period of time after life with John was just that - almost exclusively life with John. So I should understand how and why my friend is acting this way. I think I do, it's just that when you're on the receiving end it's always different - and harder.

But now I keep asking myself if I was really that inattentive and careless with my friends when I got first got attached. I should be used to this by now, having seen many friends get attached during the course of our friendship. Is this some funny sort of retribution then?

I'd like to think that friendships live through the best and the worst of relationships, and that being friends means you'll never suffer breakups like couples do - just that at times you're closer and then you drift apart in a sort of cycle. But like Jonquille said, this seems to be the time of fair weather friends, and relationships that change overnight even when both of you have spent weeks, months, even years working at it. Is it society that has made us such self-centered and self-occupied beings? No one has time anymore to sit and chat, to listen and really hear. We all seem to be adrift in the unending current that's life, not really knowing what we're doing and why.

I don't want to be like that. I don't want things to be this way. But that's as good as whining for something which can't really be helped. As much as you want something and try to make something work, as much as I want our friendship to stay the way it has been, a little voice tells me, "Get over it girl, that's life and nothing lasts forever." I honestly want to stay a romantic and believe in all the good things in life - that friends are for life and a friendship built on the best of foundations lasts forever. Maybe I'm just jaded. But then, it always takes two hands to clap.

glittermissy @ 8:51 AM + + Permalink